Comics are amusing in a lot of ways, not the least of which is how my perceptions of them have changed. When I was a kid, I was a huge Garfield fan, though not so much anymore (but the Garfield Minus Garfield strip is worth a read). I was not a big Doonesbury fan until I was well into my 20s, though. Of course, right now Doonesbury is getting a bump in the ratings due to the abortion storyline, examining the bizarre and crazy anti-abortion laws imposed by Texas and several other states to limit women's rights in what they do with their own bodies. Guess where I stand on the issue.
One of the comments that seems to come up whenever abortion is discussed is "Well, how would you like it if your mom had had an abortion?" The point being that every fetus has a potential and is therefor equal to an actual human life. By aborting a fetus, we are destroying the potential of another person coming into their own and having the chance to live a full and wonder-filled life.
So, how would I, personally, feel about the idea of my mom aborting me?
I love my mom. She's been a great mom, and a lot of what I value in myself, I learned or inherited from her. She raised two boys, a lot of the time by herself because my dad's work, then their divorce, meant that he wasn't always around (my dad's great, too, in his own ways, but a very generous assessment would show him being my primary caregiver for about 1/7th of my childhood, which was the every-second-weekend visit). In some ways, I imagine, my mom might have had a better life if she hadn't become pregnant with me (before my parents were even married yet! Shocker!): she might have had more opportunities, she certainly wouldn't have lived the same life. Raising two kids on your own makes it difficult to be a go-getter at work, I imagine.
Personally, I love my life. Yeah, I could make better choices, but overall I'm happy I was born.
But here's the thing: ultimately, I know that my mom chose to have me. Yeah, there were pressures that affected her decision, but because of Canadian Law and the culture at the time she was pregnant, my mom had the choice available to her. I know that, once I was conceived, I was wanted.
I respect my mom, not because she's my mom, but because she is a force of nature. She is intelligent, and kind, and compassionate, and funny, and she gets angry sometimes, and sad sometimes, and goofy to the point of cringe-worthiness. As I've gotten older, I've watched her make decisions: about her career, about dating, about where to live and who to live with. Some of her decisions weren't great, and I imagine that some of her choices were actually disasterous. But as someone who loves her and cares for her deeply, I would not want to remove her power to make decisions for herself.
The question of "what if your mom aborted you?" is so backwards to me. What if she had? I would rather that she made that difficult choice, and had the resources and support to make it safely and sanely, than for her to have been forced to use her own body in a way she did not want because some stranger had made the decision for her. I would give my hypothetical life so that she would have the right to make decisions for herself as an adult and a human being. I mean, how selfish could I be? If I value my life, then I need to value hers and her choice to have me.
The world is full of potential, and for everything that actually does happen, there are, literally, an infinite set of other things that didn't. There's a sense that people who argue against abortion along these lines are thinking compassionately about the child, but they might as well by fighting for Unicorn Rights. Did you know that everytime a man jerks off, a unicorn is brutally tortured and put to death? End the tyranny of male masturbation now!
Like any good leftist liberal, I'll agree that this isn't a situation to be dealt with lightly. Life and death are important, and how we act, the decisions that we make, will inevitably be individualistic and unique each and every time. To me, it's hugely more important that people have the right to choose rather than have that decision imposed upon them by a faceless organization that has no knowledge of the factors and the possibilities involved. What about all the young women's lives who have been damaged because they were forced to carry a child to term?
What if my mom had aborted me?
Well, then I would take comfort that she lived in a society where her rights were respected and protected, and where she chose her fate. What kind of a monster would force his own mother to live a life she never wanted?
Showing posts with label feminism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feminism. Show all posts
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Deconstructing the Boys' Club
Over on Skepchick, Jacqueline posts about the "Boys' Club" and how a woman can "infiltrate" it, by working hard, speaking up, and getting involved. And not having sex with the guys until she has her membership locked in. The advice in the article is useful in general, and anyone on the outside of power or privilege would be well-advised to follow her advice...to a point.
I had a little problem reading the article, though, and it was because it bared a sort of similarity to other articles written, where the underlying assumption is that the reason why women aren't in more positions of authority is because they just didn't want it bad enough. Too often, it seems that the reason for women's failures are that they didn't speak up, they didn't ask for the raise, they didn't report the sexual assault at the right time, they didn't wear the right dress and that's why they were raped. While Jacqueline's post is positive, and avoids laying blame anywhere, I feel like the larger part of the problem is ignored. But that's okay, because the post wasn't about how men are evil, it was about actions that women could take to improve their situation.
The larger part of the problem isn't really that men are evil (obviously), but it's that the playing field is so overwhelmingly tilted against women, and it will remain that way until men get their shit together and start paying more than lip service to the idea of equality and equity. And, because I'm so darn helpful, here are some ways that men can help women to get into the boys' club (if you wonder why we should want this, you might be reading the wrong blog):
1) Acknowledge contributions - it's true that women (and other minorities, really) need to work twice as hard to get half the credit. There are a lot of reasons for this, including our own biases. Because of the way we've all been socialized, we naturally attribute some qualities to men and other qualities to women whether or not they've actually demonstrated those qualities. For a man to appear hard-working, all he has to do is show up. One thing that men can do is to carefully and consciously look for and acknowledge or reward when a woman has gone above and beyond. Not patronisingly, but frankly and honestly. Take a long hard look at who is being rewarded and why, and do your best to overcome your own bias. Sometimes we miss things that are really, really obvious, and we need to put in extra effort to see what we are missing. Who gets the promotions? Who gets the bonus? Who gets the congratulatory emails? When in doubt, side with the minority: they have so many other obstacles to overcome, it would be nice if you can give them a break, even if you're wrong once in a while.
2) Leave space for others to speak - women are socialized to defer to men, and men are socialized to speak up. Years ago, while training to volunteer on a gay youth helpline, one of the subjects we covered was how people with privilege often have the assumed right to speak, and so entire meetings can happen where only one point of view is ever spoken. For anyone who's ever been in a group situation where your opinion differed from the group's, you know how difficult it can be to speak up. The next time you're in a meeting, pay attention to who speaks, and how many times someone is interrupted or ignored. Unless there's been a massive shift, you'll see that most often men speak. When women do try to add their opinion, they're more likely to be interrupted, ignored, or dismissed. Try to be aware of this and allow space for other viewpoints to be expressed. If you're chairing the meeting, give time to the people most different from you to speak. They will probably have an insight that you hadn't considered, and you'll also be showing that you support an environment where different perspectives are appreciated and welcomed.
3) Invite people. If you're organising a conference, and realise that all or most of your speakers are straight white men, do some research and change it. This isn't token-ism, its due diligence. Rare are the professions where there are no experts with diverse backgrounds. It's a giant planet we live on, and we tend to only pay attention to the meagre little circle of colleagues and acqaintances that we already know. Also, there's this thing? Called the internet? Use it. If you can't find a person of colour, a woman, a differently abled, a queer speaker, you are doing it wrong. Right now, it takes a bit of extra work, but that's because the playing field is not level. One of the ways to get that field level is for those of us with the advantages to put in the legwork to give some advantages to other people. Awards, panels, discussions, lead teams....if you've only got men, you've got work to do.
4) Give respect. To a degree, respect is earned. But there is room for all of us to decide on a base level of decency and regard that we can give to every human being we encounter. Examine where this level is for you, and whether it is consistent across genders, cultures, and ranges of ability. Take the time to learn a little bit about the psychology of bias, and examine where your prejudices may lie (if you're human, you have prejudices). Then, do what you can to overcome those biases. Acknowledge that some people have had to work twice as hard as you did to reach the same achievements, and be prepared to give the benefit of the doubt. Consider the other side of things, the other person's perspective. Think of them as a person.
Boys' clubs don't really help anyone. Individuals profit from them by getting privileged access to information and power, but as a whole what they really do is limit our vision and hamper our ability to make decisions. When you only have one "kind" of person in charge, important factors get missed and catastrophes can happen that could have been avoided. By making room for different perspectives and experiences, you allow your organisation (or whatever it is) to open up more opportunities for enrichment. Oh, and also you get to be a pretty decent human being as well.
I had a little problem reading the article, though, and it was because it bared a sort of similarity to other articles written, where the underlying assumption is that the reason why women aren't in more positions of authority is because they just didn't want it bad enough. Too often, it seems that the reason for women's failures are that they didn't speak up, they didn't ask for the raise, they didn't report the sexual assault at the right time, they didn't wear the right dress and that's why they were raped. While Jacqueline's post is positive, and avoids laying blame anywhere, I feel like the larger part of the problem is ignored. But that's okay, because the post wasn't about how men are evil, it was about actions that women could take to improve their situation.
The larger part of the problem isn't really that men are evil (obviously), but it's that the playing field is so overwhelmingly tilted against women, and it will remain that way until men get their shit together and start paying more than lip service to the idea of equality and equity. And, because I'm so darn helpful, here are some ways that men can help women to get into the boys' club (if you wonder why we should want this, you might be reading the wrong blog):
1) Acknowledge contributions - it's true that women (and other minorities, really) need to work twice as hard to get half the credit. There are a lot of reasons for this, including our own biases. Because of the way we've all been socialized, we naturally attribute some qualities to men and other qualities to women whether or not they've actually demonstrated those qualities. For a man to appear hard-working, all he has to do is show up. One thing that men can do is to carefully and consciously look for and acknowledge or reward when a woman has gone above and beyond. Not patronisingly, but frankly and honestly. Take a long hard look at who is being rewarded and why, and do your best to overcome your own bias. Sometimes we miss things that are really, really obvious, and we need to put in extra effort to see what we are missing. Who gets the promotions? Who gets the bonus? Who gets the congratulatory emails? When in doubt, side with the minority: they have so many other obstacles to overcome, it would be nice if you can give them a break, even if you're wrong once in a while.
2) Leave space for others to speak - women are socialized to defer to men, and men are socialized to speak up. Years ago, while training to volunteer on a gay youth helpline, one of the subjects we covered was how people with privilege often have the assumed right to speak, and so entire meetings can happen where only one point of view is ever spoken. For anyone who's ever been in a group situation where your opinion differed from the group's, you know how difficult it can be to speak up. The next time you're in a meeting, pay attention to who speaks, and how many times someone is interrupted or ignored. Unless there's been a massive shift, you'll see that most often men speak. When women do try to add their opinion, they're more likely to be interrupted, ignored, or dismissed. Try to be aware of this and allow space for other viewpoints to be expressed. If you're chairing the meeting, give time to the people most different from you to speak. They will probably have an insight that you hadn't considered, and you'll also be showing that you support an environment where different perspectives are appreciated and welcomed.
3) Invite people. If you're organising a conference, and realise that all or most of your speakers are straight white men, do some research and change it. This isn't token-ism, its due diligence. Rare are the professions where there are no experts with diverse backgrounds. It's a giant planet we live on, and we tend to only pay attention to the meagre little circle of colleagues and acqaintances that we already know. Also, there's this thing? Called the internet? Use it. If you can't find a person of colour, a woman, a differently abled, a queer speaker, you are doing it wrong. Right now, it takes a bit of extra work, but that's because the playing field is not level. One of the ways to get that field level is for those of us with the advantages to put in the legwork to give some advantages to other people. Awards, panels, discussions, lead teams....if you've only got men, you've got work to do.
4) Give respect. To a degree, respect is earned. But there is room for all of us to decide on a base level of decency and regard that we can give to every human being we encounter. Examine where this level is for you, and whether it is consistent across genders, cultures, and ranges of ability. Take the time to learn a little bit about the psychology of bias, and examine where your prejudices may lie (if you're human, you have prejudices). Then, do what you can to overcome those biases. Acknowledge that some people have had to work twice as hard as you did to reach the same achievements, and be prepared to give the benefit of the doubt. Consider the other side of things, the other person's perspective. Think of them as a person.
Boys' clubs don't really help anyone. Individuals profit from them by getting privileged access to information and power, but as a whole what they really do is limit our vision and hamper our ability to make decisions. When you only have one "kind" of person in charge, important factors get missed and catastrophes can happen that could have been avoided. By making room for different perspectives and experiences, you allow your organisation (or whatever it is) to open up more opportunities for enrichment. Oh, and also you get to be a pretty decent human being as well.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Elevatorgate
Over at Freethoughtblogs.com, Ophelia Benson responds to some more comments about the Rebecca Watson situation wherein she was propositioned by a guy in an elevator in the middle of the night and then publicly said that it made her uncomfortable. I'm still absolutely amazed that this is a "thing", because her comments seemed to me perfectly reasonable, but some people think it makes her crazy (among other things).
On Ophelia's blog, she posts the guy saying:
Okay, so first off: really? A highly visible symbol? Like a colour? Or maybe a symbol like a pink triangle or star of david? A red letter, perhaps? But that's clearly a strawman (see what feminism gets you? NAZIS! Be careful how much equality you ask for, ladies, or else it's the holocaust all over again!!).
What really bugs me, really, really, REALLY bugs me is this implication that men are completely helpless when it comes to our penises. How dare women expect to be unharrassed in PUBLIC, where men with our uncontrollable sex urges are forced to try to decypher the complicated, ambiguous concept of not hitting on women when it's not appropriate.
It's ridiculous and offensive and it's everywhere. I mean, look, people make mistakes. We're animals, after all, and our brains are awash in presumably-useful hormones and neurotransmitters and whatnot that fairly often make rational decision making difficult or impossible. I've done stuff I regret, probably some of it because I was horny, or drunk, or skipped breakfast or something. But there's nothing in those regretful incidents where I can say "It's because I'm a MAN!!" and I sure as heck had to face consequences the morning after.
If a guy has trouble behaving himself, it's because the guy has a problem, not because he has testicles. I wish people would stop playing up the differences between men an women as if they were inescapable, natural, and true....because whenever we start to turn a skeptical eye on these differences, the importance of culture and "nurture" and one's environment starts to loom ever bigger. Bad behaviour is because someone fucked up, not because they "couldn't help themselves". Rape isn't a problem because boys will be boys, it's because some boys are assholes, and they ought to be treated as such.
On Ophelia's blog, she posts the guy saying:
The solution to such ambiguity is simple – as a way forward, women who attend atheist-skeptic conferences that are absolutely certain they don’t want to be hit on should wear a clearly visible “do not proposition me” sign on their backs. If not, maybe a colour-code can be designated for such women by the event organisers – let’s say, red – and then it could be announced that all women wearing red clothes should not be propositioned or approached by strangers. But will they do this? Most probably not. They will, in all likelihood, protest that it should not be incumbent upon them to make clear to others not to hit on them – yet at the same time they want to be in a public conference where human beings, the highly sexual creatures they are, are freely interacting.
Okay, so first off: really? A highly visible symbol? Like a colour? Or maybe a symbol like a pink triangle or star of david? A red letter, perhaps? But that's clearly a strawman (see what feminism gets you? NAZIS! Be careful how much equality you ask for, ladies, or else it's the holocaust all over again!!).
What really bugs me, really, really, REALLY bugs me is this implication that men are completely helpless when it comes to our penises. How dare women expect to be unharrassed in PUBLIC, where men with our uncontrollable sex urges are forced to try to decypher the complicated, ambiguous concept of not hitting on women when it's not appropriate.
It's ridiculous and offensive and it's everywhere. I mean, look, people make mistakes. We're animals, after all, and our brains are awash in presumably-useful hormones and neurotransmitters and whatnot that fairly often make rational decision making difficult or impossible. I've done stuff I regret, probably some of it because I was horny, or drunk, or skipped breakfast or something. But there's nothing in those regretful incidents where I can say "It's because I'm a MAN!!" and I sure as heck had to face consequences the morning after.
If a guy has trouble behaving himself, it's because the guy has a problem, not because he has testicles. I wish people would stop playing up the differences between men an women as if they were inescapable, natural, and true....because whenever we start to turn a skeptical eye on these differences, the importance of culture and "nurture" and one's environment starts to loom ever bigger. Bad behaviour is because someone fucked up, not because they "couldn't help themselves". Rape isn't a problem because boys will be boys, it's because some boys are assholes, and they ought to be treated as such.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Sex work and Feminism
Over at Skepchick there's an "Ask Surly Amy" question, "Is Sex-work Anti-Feminist?". The questionner wants to know what the rational/skeptical response is to the question.
I love these kind of questions, because the answers are always more complex the deeper you look. I come down on the pro-sex side. I've worked in pro-sex environments and have had a lot of exposure to how sex can be used to liberate and empower people. As a gay man, the movement that has won me many of the rights I now enjoy was in part fueled by a pro-sex attitude. One of my earliest memories after moving to Toronto 10 years ago is watching my lesbian and trans co-workers talking about a new porn endeavour that was pro-women, pro-body-type, pro-people and just very, very positive. Our bodies and how we use them is a very personal thing, and sex is powerful in all kinds of dimensions, everything from biochemically right up to the largest segments of societies themselves. We're steeped in sex, and even beyond the "over sexualized" (which I'd argue is more of a "over exploited") environment that gets all the media attention, it colours everything we do. I think being anti-sex is damaging.
Of course, what does it mean to be pro-sex or anti-sex? This is where it gets complicated, and I think a huge part of that complexity is because we as a society haven't quite mastered how to communicate about these things. There's also a whole lot of cultural flotsam and jetsam, carryovers from oppressions past, rigid ideas we got from our grandparents, a whole bunch of deeply personal stuff that makes us act weird and crazy when it comes to sex. I was really intrigued by the part where she wrote:
I think it's true that this is one of the ways that the sex industry is unique and it shows how much there is a disconnect in the ways that we act versus how we talk about sex and our bodies.
You know, ever since I worked "sex industry adjacent", I've always wondered what it would be like to work in the sex industry. Not as a performer, but on the administrative side of things. Wouldn't it be great to be an HR rep for a porn company or webcam site? I think it'd be kind of awesome.
I love these kind of questions, because the answers are always more complex the deeper you look. I come down on the pro-sex side. I've worked in pro-sex environments and have had a lot of exposure to how sex can be used to liberate and empower people. As a gay man, the movement that has won me many of the rights I now enjoy was in part fueled by a pro-sex attitude. One of my earliest memories after moving to Toronto 10 years ago is watching my lesbian and trans co-workers talking about a new porn endeavour that was pro-women, pro-body-type, pro-people and just very, very positive. Our bodies and how we use them is a very personal thing, and sex is powerful in all kinds of dimensions, everything from biochemically right up to the largest segments of societies themselves. We're steeped in sex, and even beyond the "over sexualized" (which I'd argue is more of a "over exploited") environment that gets all the media attention, it colours everything we do. I think being anti-sex is damaging.
Of course, what does it mean to be pro-sex or anti-sex? This is where it gets complicated, and I think a huge part of that complexity is because we as a society haven't quite mastered how to communicate about these things. There's also a whole lot of cultural flotsam and jetsam, carryovers from oppressions past, rigid ideas we got from our grandparents, a whole bunch of deeply personal stuff that makes us act weird and crazy when it comes to sex. I was really intrigued by the part where she wrote:
People never tell you that if you’re using your arms to bake a cake, that you’re selling your body when you’re hired to do so. Nobody tells you that working as a driver, where you use your legs, is selling your body. In the act of doing nearly any kind of work, we use our bodies, and we are never seen as selling those body parts or selling our body when we are working. It is only in the world of the sex industry that one is considered “selling themselves” or “selling their body” as a part of work.
I think it's true that this is one of the ways that the sex industry is unique and it shows how much there is a disconnect in the ways that we act versus how we talk about sex and our bodies.
You know, ever since I worked "sex industry adjacent", I've always wondered what it would be like to work in the sex industry. Not as a performer, but on the administrative side of things. Wouldn't it be great to be an HR rep for a porn company or webcam site? I think it'd be kind of awesome.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
My feminism and the internet
Over on Feministing.com the "Wednesday Weigh-In" asks:
What role does staying connected play in your feminism? What could better internet access mean for your political activity and viewpoints?
Since I'm not yet ready to post anything researched or well-thought-out, but I DO like to talk at length about myself, I figured why not?
This is a timely question anyway, what with the role that social media has played and is playing in movements around the world, from "Arab Spring" to the riots in the UK, to helping people mobilize right here at home. I'm not the most tech-savvy person, so my internet activities are pretty much limitted to reading blogs and Facebook (maybe google+ one day? Maybe?). I've not gotten into twitter (in my role as curmudgeon I can grumpily say "I don't understand it and I don't want to."), and my phone may not be old-school, but my use of it really is.
Still, I remember back in the '90s, when I was in high school and university and the internet was nowhere near as all-powerful as it is today. Back then I got my doses of feminism from friends, from the gay youth group I was a part of, and from the alternative free weekly paper in Halifax where I grew up. I can't even imagine how I came to be the person I am with those paltry sources of information and encouragement. Today, I easily am exposed to half a dozen or more articles, blogs, papers, rants, and stories about feminism or social justice or whatnot. When I want to be, I'm far more connected to what's going on around me and in the world at large.
Probably the biggest way that the internet helps me is that it puts me in touch with women. By and large I socialize mostly with men. The few places where I do encounter women regularly are places like at work, where it's considered bad form to spontaniously begin a conversation about sexism or feminism. There are places and times, and I have a few close colleagues that I spend my lunch hours with to talk about the state of the world, but those moments are rare and special. As a gay man, it's very easy to slip into a state where I don't need to interract with women in any meaningful way at all.
I think that we do better at recognising inequality and fighting against it when we're exposed to the victims of inequality. It's not necessary...I'm -never going to know what it's like to be black, or the plight of those starving in the Horn of Africa right now, but that doesn't mean I can't try to help, but it's been shown that the more distanced someone is from an issue, the easier it is to ignore and misunderstand it. To be a feminist, I think I need to have women in my life, so that I can hear their stories and be corrected when I'm off-base. The internet helps me to do this, by giving me access to women that I don't see every day: friends and acquaintances, strangers and colleagues. I think I would be a worse feminist without access to those resources.
What role does staying connected play in your feminism? What could better internet access mean for your political activity and viewpoints?
Since I'm not yet ready to post anything researched or well-thought-out, but I DO like to talk at length about myself, I figured why not?
This is a timely question anyway, what with the role that social media has played and is playing in movements around the world, from "Arab Spring" to the riots in the UK, to helping people mobilize right here at home. I'm not the most tech-savvy person, so my internet activities are pretty much limitted to reading blogs and Facebook (maybe google+ one day? Maybe?). I've not gotten into twitter (in my role as curmudgeon I can grumpily say "I don't understand it and I don't want to."), and my phone may not be old-school, but my use of it really is.
Still, I remember back in the '90s, when I was in high school and university and the internet was nowhere near as all-powerful as it is today. Back then I got my doses of feminism from friends, from the gay youth group I was a part of, and from the alternative free weekly paper in Halifax where I grew up. I can't even imagine how I came to be the person I am with those paltry sources of information and encouragement. Today, I easily am exposed to half a dozen or more articles, blogs, papers, rants, and stories about feminism or social justice or whatnot. When I want to be, I'm far more connected to what's going on around me and in the world at large.
Probably the biggest way that the internet helps me is that it puts me in touch with women. By and large I socialize mostly with men. The few places where I do encounter women regularly are places like at work, where it's considered bad form to spontaniously begin a conversation about sexism or feminism. There are places and times, and I have a few close colleagues that I spend my lunch hours with to talk about the state of the world, but those moments are rare and special. As a gay man, it's very easy to slip into a state where I don't need to interract with women in any meaningful way at all.
I think that we do better at recognising inequality and fighting against it when we're exposed to the victims of inequality. It's not necessary...I'm -never going to know what it's like to be black, or the plight of those starving in the Horn of Africa right now, but that doesn't mean I can't try to help, but it's been shown that the more distanced someone is from an issue, the easier it is to ignore and misunderstand it. To be a feminist, I think I need to have women in my life, so that I can hear their stories and be corrected when I'm off-base. The internet helps me to do this, by giving me access to women that I don't see every day: friends and acquaintances, strangers and colleagues. I think I would be a worse feminist without access to those resources.
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